How to Pull Yourself Out of a Dark Place

Recently, I presented at the Canadian Society of Association Executives (CSAE) conference, a key event for connecting with decision makers.

Unlike my usual speaking engagements where I'm invited, here I had to pitch my session idea. I chose “Bridging the Generational Gap: 3 Shifts to Ensure Association Success” – a departure from my usual talk on “The Hero Mindset”.

Unfortunately, my session was not as impactful as I'd hoped. So, I reflected on my experience and chose to demonstrate how I practice resilience in the moment to help others like yourself transform presentation challenges into leadership strengths.

As I was speaking with a manager at a private club, he was describing how the change in season brings a change in talent.

Summer employees leave to go back to school for many reasons. They may dislike working in the winter. They get tired of the industry being so demanding, or perhaps can’t find flexible enough arrangements that suit their needs.

There are many reasons why talent within a club or an organization shifts, but that doesn’t mean you have to buy into the negativity or challenges behind it.

You can choose to think differently to help you drive results and embrace change.

Reflecting upon my conversation with this manager, it showed that he was heading down the wrong path in his mind about the situation and only making things worse.

With that, here are five ways you make managing change worse, and how to avoid them.

Today, October 10th, is World Mental Health Day.

I have spent years sharing my story of overcoming depression, at times feeling suicidal, and overcoming the loss of my father by suicide.

I wrote my autobiography, 'Still Standing: When You Have Every Reason to Give Up, Keep Going', as another means of providing people with hope and direction to pull themselves out of dark times.

Today, I would like to recap these lessons and share them with you in one place to help you get the help you need if you are struggling.

Insurance.

You rarely feel happy when you have to purchase it, but if something ever goes wrong you are always glad you did.

When I was in my 20’s, I had started a business to put on extreme sport stunt shows and pursue my dream as a freestyle motocross rider.

After I performed my first show on Canada Day weekend, two weeks later, I crashed, and wished I had made a different decision just months earlier that could have literally supported me with several thousand dollars down the road.

If you’re in business, you too, might one day experience this with insurance…

New Year’s Eve, 1999.

There was panic setting in around what was going to when there were rumours that computers were not programmed properly to “tick past 1999, into 2000”, and as a result there was going to be chaos with businesses shut down, bank accounts frozen, and months before the problem could ever be rectified.

When the clock stuck midnight, everything worked. Computer clocks turned over to the year 2000.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Silly thoughts often consume our minds when something new is introduced, and with that I’d like to share with you three mindset shifts to help ease your uncertainty around Artificial Intelligence (AI)...

When you are in a dark place, it can feel like there is no way out.

It may feel like it’s impossible and that you don’t know where to start.

At best, you may make progress and then suddenly slip backward right back to where you started.

As I was reflecting upon this challenge with a friend of mine, it reminded me of what my thought process was when I was suicidal after my father took his own life in ‘07.

I remember being in that dark place and thinking that it felt like I was in a war (which, metaphorically, you are in a war – with your mind), hiding down low in a bunker...

As summer is upon us, it can bring on some feelings of despair for people as they begin to experience what many refer to as FOMO: The fear of missing out.

According to Wikipedia, it is defined as, “The feeling of apprehension that one is either not in the know about or missing out on information, events, experiences, or life decisions that could make one's life better.”

I can recall times where I felt like I was missing out.

When friends went away to their cottages.

When I see highlight reels of people enjoying concerts on social media.

When someone had the long weekend off, and I had to work.

There are countless examples of when you might experience FOMO.

What I’d like to do is share with you a few mindset shifts to help you reframe your mind if you find yourself stuck worrying about other people’s highlight reel.

“None of this makes sense.”

Have you ever been there before?

You know, when you are stuck in a vicious cycle trying to understand what is happening in your life?

It can be incredibly difficult to make sense of things when chaos seems to be running rampant in all areas.

Or perhaps when you are engaging with someone else who is seeking control over you in the form of manipulation, gaslighting, guilt or shame tactics.

It can be scary.

What I’d like to share with you are a few thoughts on how to see clearly when you feel like your mind is stuck inside a tornado of thoughts...

How long will you wait to make a change?

Do you need months?

Do you need to go see a therapist, first?

Do you need to change your environment? Your relationship? Your job?

What is getting in your way?

Today I want you to take a moment and consider one of the biggest myths about adopting a new mindset.

It may not be anything new to you, but here’s the truth…

Your mind is like a magnet.

According to the National Science Foundation, an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts.

Knowing that we are facing an uphill battle, it is upon us to deliberately work to counteract and eliminate those negative thought patters by creating our own belief system...

The past few weeks since returning home from travelling have been both really great and really challenging at the same time.

I came home ready to throw down with my foot on the gas and pick some momentum back up since working in a time zone 16 hours away was a fair bit difficult.

In a matter of six weeks, I feel like I have gotten back on a great rhythm and am pretty happy with where I am at, but at the same time, physically my body is still having several challenges.

Chronic pain, muscle spasms, and muscle weakness are still challenging me since I was off my routine for five months. I am now playing catch up.

In lieu of this, I thought I would share with you 3 quick tips to help manage chronic pain if you may be struggling with something similar...

I got this direct message through Instagram the other day, it said; “Kevin, I’m depressed. I can’t figure it out. Do you have any advice?”.

I get these messages all the time from people trying to figure things out.

“Kev, how do I get out of depression?”

Have you ever felt that way before? When you just don’t know what to do?

What will often surface is that we feel like we don’t know why we’re depressed and we don’t know what to do. It’s very common.

Feeling sad for no reason is not always something that you can easily solve. However, sometimes it just requires searching deeper for the right answers...

“It’s often easiest when you are in the thick of it.”

Those are the words I recently heard Sir John Kirwan say, one of New Zealand’s former rugby players and mental health advocates said during a Westpac bank webinar.

It reminded me of what it was like when I experienced trauma in my life and it triggered my brain to begin piecing together a model to help represent what mindset and emotions you may be going through as you process trauma...

It was July of 2022 when I was attending a VIP coaching day with Steph Tuss and David Neagle of Life Is Now Inc. I was giving them the backstory of my life, trying to help uncover “the thing” that has been plaguing me for years of my life.

I found the answer I was looking for here, at The Hoffman Process...

I was on a call with a VP the other day who was stuck in a bad headspace.

She has been burning the candle at both ends to make sure the company and her team keeps moving forward, while ignoring her own wellbeing.

During our call, we began discussing why she had let things get so bad and more importantly I asked her “How long will you wait?”.

And she replied, “Wait for what?”.

I said, “Until you hit the intolerable red line”...

Recently, I visited a spinal cord injury facility here in New Zealand and saw a flyer on the wall for what's called the "Disability Iceberg".

It's quite amazing as it provides a visual representation of the varying ways we may typically "see" people with disabilities.

In this case it's referencing a Quadriplegic, Paraplegic, and Walking SCI Person (as I am) and I thought this model is quite the example as we consider how we can be more empathetic towards others with what hidden challenges people may be dealing with...

Today, there is a lot of discussion happening in Canada surrounding the topic of M.A.I.D – Medical Assistance in Dying.

There is controversy around how this is a dangerous, slippery slope in the realm of people who struggle with mental health issues.

There is controversy around who this is for, how this is being presented, what the moral considerations are, how this affects different cultural and religious beliefs, and much more.

Many serious conversations are to be had for some very practical reasons.

Personally, I have experienced suicide within my family from three very different perspectives.

My father committed suicide in 2007. I was suicidal in 2008 and 2015, but am still here, and my grandmother, “GG”, just passed away in October 2022 by M.A.I.D.

Each scenario came by its own unique situation with individual factors to consider. Given the depth of my experience, I hope that by sharing my story I can help bring another perspective to help people understand what a mental health journey can look like, as well as when, in my opinion, ending one’s life may seem appropriate...

Change is constant.

Especially in the world we live in today, there seems to be little certainty in what tomorrow will look like, let alone next week.

Fear creeps in, and before we know it, we feel like we have lost control, find ourselves stuck and unable to move forward...

For the first time in my life, I am experiencing the holidays with no snow.

It feels unusual, that’s for sure. Even just a few short weeks ago while I was in the Dominican Republic, I saw a few Christmas lights near palm trees, and it makes your head turn a little sideways when you think about it.

Today, I am in New Zealand. Mom and I are spending three months here visiting my sister, and I am continuing my journey travelling and working abroad.

The transition hasn’t been an easy one. I have alluded to some of the decisions I have made in recent blogs such as choosing what makes you happy and knowing when to walk away. All awhile, as usual, I kept up many articles on mental health, resilience, and change management.

Behind the scenes I struggled with my physical health...

As the holidays are now just a few days away from officially beginning, I have seen several posts online from people reflecting and sharing some of their lessons from the past year.

Without question, there have continued to be many challenges that made 2022 just as difficult as the year prior, but in different ways.

In 2020/2021, my biggest challenges were financial. In 2022, it has been my physical health.

Recently, I posted a few articles including how to make the most of and how to be mindful over the holidays.

Today, instead of giving you something else to possibly help you push harder, I am recommending you give yourself one thing to send you in the opposite direction...